| LETTERS | BRIEFLY SLATED | NOISE |

THE MONTHLY MAGAZINE FROM NEW AGE

January, 2007 @newagebd.com Main Page « Front Page « Metro « Business « International « Sports « National « Editorial « Op-Ed « Home « Timeout « Letters «

We admit it. We hated 2006. So here’s a lame and inexhaustive list that we drew up to makes ourselves feel better. WINNERS 1. Dr Muhammad Yunus: He got the Nobel Peace Prize and did a nation proud. Need we say more?   2. People power: First there was Kansat. Then there was the workers revolt in Gazipur. Then there was Shonir Akhra and, finally, to top it off with whipped cream and a cherry, there was Phulbari. This was the year of people power and we loved it. 3. Ershad: For being nearer to death than birth and still pulling off another great deceit, something he has mastered from the early days in his career. In the beginning he all but promised BNP of his support in the next elections. Mysterious let-offs in big corruption cases followed. Suddenly he disappeared for two days, and lo and behold, he was standing beside Sheikh Hasina at their big December Paltan janashabha. Magic!   4. Mashrafee: It took India 135 years to get Javagal Srinath, their first genuine fast bowler. Similar apprehensions existed when Bangladesh started. Mashrafee has yorked those fears. He came of age this year, systematically demolishing opponents, getting Bangladesh early breakthroughs and finishing with 49 wickets in a calendar year in ODIs, a rare feat in international cricket, the first by a Bangladeshi, and the highest this year. 5. James with Shilpa Shetty: He ventured into waters that most of our much-celebrated, high brow, legendary stars failed to break into: Bollywood, the largest movie industry in the world. And he became a hit with both his Hindi singles Hamari aduri kahani and chal chale. News is, now he will be trying his hand in acting pitted against the women considered to have the most beautiful, well, er…body in Bollywood, the siren Shilpa Shetty. 6. GrameenPhone: There are 140 million people in this country and over 10 million of them carry a GrameenPhone. An amazing feat, and a testimony to how injudicious the Bangiya-Mussalman can be with his hard-earned money.   7. Jawed Karim: He is probably as rich as any man of Bangladeshi origin has ever gotten and he is hardly even a man. At 19, Jawed Karim, born to a Bangladeshi father, made killing when he sold his hugely successful website Youtube to Google. 8. K M Hasan: We don’t know whether he is on our list for being dignified and refusing the post of caretaker chief, or for having the political acumen to know what would happen in the months that followed. Either ways, he has reason to feel smug that he rejected the controversial post, and must be in stitches often, when he watches midnight TV. 9. Hugo Chavez: ‘I smell phosphorus, the devil was in this room yesterday,’ Chavez said about George W Bush’s appearance at the UN General Assembly last month. The harshest critic of US expansionism amongst heads of state worldwide, Chavez has been re-elected and holds strong ties with Cuba: arch-enemy of the US. A strong voice from the South in the new world order. 10. NORTH KOREA: For giving the US and its ‘axis of evil’ rhetoric the finger and going ahead with its secret Nuclear tests. us allies South Korea and Japan, are sweating. we say its global warming, but the good kind. BEST COMEBACKS 11. 019...: Just when we thought we would never have to dial another 019 number ever again, Banglalink bought Sheba Telecom’s operations. The results have been terrific. 2006 truly saw Bangladesh be Banglalinked. 12. Ferdous Wahid: What do Ferdous Wahid and Madonna have in common? They’ve discovered the secret of rebranding and redefining. In fact, our old disco star is one up on Madonna. He’s redefining himself with his son’s immensely popular retro sound with the shades that never come off doing the trick. 13. Ekushey Television: After five years of incidents and accidents, threats and allegations, the channel that changed private television broadcasting in Bangladesh is back. Somehow though, it lacks that sheen, and looks kind-of third world. 14. Iran: The Iranians had had enough! A combination of Iraq, Afghanistan, Hamas, Hizbullah and that Osama person had kept Iran off the missile radars for way too long. They are back now, with a vengeance. And with a president who actually makes sense, sometimes. 15. Bond. James Bond: Pierce Brosnan is no more Bond, but his successor, Daniel Craig, is fast becoming a cult hero. He’s taken Bond to his elements, and the viewers love it. TOP 5 STYLE STATEMENTS 16. Lutfozzaman Babar: His hair is so gelled and spiked, pubescent teenagers would be humbled. His shades are so, well, shady, and his speech so peppered with a strange (sometimes alien) mix of English and Bangla words that he has to be the new definition of cool. Those who disagree are shotrus of haute couture. 17. Shefique Rehman: This man gives even Babar stiff competition with his lal golap action. Much comes to mind but we are polite to our senior citizens. 18. Dima Nefertiti: Her name really is Nefertiti, like that Egyptian queen. And if that wasn’t funny enough, she looks the part. Fate does have a sense of humour. 19. Sharmin Lucky: She’s the hottie who has managed to make a sexy TV cooking show the most-watched programme by men across the country. And this is the boorish Bengali male we’re talking about, who previously would not touch cooking with a 10-foot pole. They still don’t, but at least they know the recipes.   20. LADY RAB: The men in black are intimidating, but the women are a recipe for accident. in fact, just standing at the check points negates the need to wave drivers down. Everyone stops voluntarily, hoping they’ll be checked. LOSERS 21. MA Aziz: After a fairly long stint of ridiculous statements, a voter list fiasco, and his adamant refusal to step down amidst a political crisis, he finally went on a 90-day leave. Now we’re hearing rumours that he’s bagged a starring role in the Bangladeshi remake of Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein. We say: He was born for that part. 22. Bangla Bhai / Shaikh Abdur Rahman: These lovely, stand-up citizens of Bangladesh carried out public lynchings, and ‘cleansing’ operations of their critics in Northern Bangladesh, and eventually led the charge on the serial bombings and the suicide death squads. Over that time, the government denied they existed. When they hang, two weeks from now, the BNP may finally be convinced they existed. 23. Altaf Hossain Chowdhury: When the infamous allah’r maal minister was transferred from his controversial role in the home ministry last year to the commerce ministry, lesser men might have thought it a demotion. Not our Altaf. He described it as a ‘promotion’. In his new job, he remained infamous, insisting that the prices of essentials were not skyrocketing. The decision to give him the axe, long time due, was finally taken in the last days of the government, a token gesture, and the end of a comedy that had stopped being funny a long time ago. 24. BD Foods: Turns out these leading food exporters to Europe for over twenty years were not just exporting food. They were also moving heroin and were finally nabbed after a couple of shipments were caught. Even backing from top ministers in the government could not save them.   25. Ali Asghar Lobi: Owner of Hawa Bhaban (the building), staple BNP rowdy and ex-BCB chief was in a huff after he didn’t get a nomination from the party. Could end up in the great big trash-can of politics.   26. Argentina, Brazil supporters: For a month since the start of the World Cup, Bangladesh had disappeared from the map. It was all Brazil and Argentina flags around. And then within two days of each other, the south Americans giants left the big stage leaving their million of fans in tears, anguish, conspiracy theories, processions, heart attacks and suicides. 27. George W Bush: The American voters finally woke up to him as the Republicans lost their majority in the Senate. The war in Iraq is a proving a bigger catastrophe with each passing day and Dubya finally took flak for it. We loved watching him suffer in the post-election press conference. We keep a video of it, and watch it often when we’re sad. 28. Darrel Hair: He has been a troubled character since calling Muralitharan a chucker but he was finally shown who’s the boss when his abrupt decision to declare the England-Pakistan match forfeited after accusing Pakistan skipper Inzamam of ball tampering, finally cost him his job. He was voted out of the elite panel most notably by the Asian powerhouses India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh, despite a strong defense from world champions Australia, also showing who really is in charge. 29. Nolok Babu: From stardom to jail, Nolok Babu — the immensely popular winner of last year’s Close Up One talent hunt likes the rock star lifestyle of living dangerously. He beat up someone on the streets and went to jail for it. 30. Tele Talk: All talk, and no network. Actually, no talk either. WOMEN AT THE HELM OF BANGLADESH 31. Khaleda Zia, BNP chairperson: The longest serving head of government of Bangladesh since its independence has her sights set on another five-year rule. Was in charge of a government that will be remembered for its skyrocketing prices of essentials, widespread corruption, politicisation of the bureaucracy and judiciary, and a host of other ills. 32. Sheikh Hasina, Awami League president: Known for her spewing rhetoric, she spent 2006 on the streets, not in parliament and bickered with the BNP in a crude power struggle, often taking the nation hostage in strikes, blockades and political violence, instead of critiquing the disintegrating state of governance. 33. Veena Sikri, former Indian ambassador: Although she ended her term in 2006, Sikri — who bears an uncanny resemblance to Indira Gandhi — held one of the most powerful positions in Bangladesh, representing the interests of the ascending superpower on the bloc. 34. Patricia Butenis, US ambassador: Apparently prefers to be addressed only as Madame Ambassador, and likes to make frequent TV appearances, using her clout as the point-woman for the world’s most powerful and aggressive country to try and influence national politics. 35. Christine Wallich, former resident chief, World Bank: If women are wired to have more compassion and empathy than men, they would do poorly at the World Bank. Wallich certainly is no ambassador for such ‘feminine’ qualities, toeing the Washington Consensus that makes the world’s rich even richer while the poor suffer.   36. Hua Du, resident chief, ADB: Does the same thing as the World Bank chief, but is a mini-me version and sticks to talking economics in public.   37. Barbara Richardson, Canadian ambassador: Has started to make significant appearances on TV, trying to negotiate between the two top women politicians of the country, and voicing the West’s concerns regarding free and fair elections. LAUNCHED 38. Moha-Oikya-Jote: everybody who’s anybody and wants to go to power defeating BNP-Jamaat is invited. Former dictator? No problem. Just-resigned bnp men? Welcome. Fatwa-declaring fundamentalists? Ahlan wa-sahlan. 39. KFC: It felt like decades that people would say ‘Oh, I hear KFC is coming to Dhaka,’ as they walked into Helvetia or BFC. This year the good colonel finally made it to our corner of the third world. Now we’re stumbling all over ourselves to get a pricey piece of that junk action. Who says we’re poor? Have you seen the queues at KFC? 40. Mirpur Stadium: Bangladesh’s new home of cricket, designed by the Aussies, was finally unveiled during the series against Zimbabwe. It promises to be a hell of stadium and hopefully will bring good luck to the Tigers. 41. al-Jazeera: Finally, a voice from the Middle East. The famous Qatar-based television channel first made headlines when it became Osama bin Laden’s choice for addresses to the ‘American infidels’. This year al-Jazeera launched its 24-hour news channel poaching the BBC’s David Frost and Rageh Omar, CNN’s Riz Khan and a bunch of other media celebrities. 42. Coffee World: Our first major coffee chain and Dhaka’s new place to see and be seen at. They have frappes, waffles, gourmet coffee and a clutch of other delicacies. 43. FM Radio: Being stuck in a Dhaka traffic jam will never be the same again. The CD and cassette players have taken a back seat with Radio Today and Radio Foorti now on air. Now we have James’ guttural groans to join the litany of verbal abuse and honking that is Dhaka traffic. 44. GPRS: While it was launched experimentally last year, GPRS went into full functioning this year. Now, the World Wide Web is on your mobile phone. Also, finally some reprieve for users as the mobile companies finally abolished incoming charges. 45. Submarine Cable: The much awaited cables are still not fully functional but promises good things. The browsing is faster, downloading quicker, and hopefully by the turn of the century we will be able to stream live video. 46. Raddisson Water Garden: The third major five-star hotel in town. Who visits Bangladesh and how can it be profitable to run such a lavish hotel here? There are more things between heaven and earth Horatio…   47. Mojo: ‘Asmaney pakha melo,’ is the front runner amongst a host of energy drinks to adorn the market. A cool name borrowed from Austin Powers with a suggestive meaning, attractive graphics and colours, and a popular ad jingle, Mojo is the drink to drink. 48. Habib’s Shono: Habib has the Midas touch. Whatever he touches turns to gold. From Krishno to his monster hit in this year’s Hridoyer Kotha soundtrack, to his funky latest album Shono, Habib is prolific and talented, the two ingredients for success.   49. Fair n’ Handsome: We men at SLATE used to think we were good looking: of the tall, dark and handsome description, we fall short of tall and handsome, but at least we were dark. ‘Fair and Handsome’ the male equivalent of fair and lovely has shattered our self esteem. No more hiding your girly skin care products, this one goes out to Dhaka’s metrosexual men.   50. Google in Bangla: Google launched its Bangla language web page, and though it is more a source of irritation and confusion (because it’s unreadable on some computers) it’s also a sign of good things to come. 51. GMG goes to Bangkok: Well, at least they claim they go to Bangkok. Eyewitness accounts claim that the flights are more often than not cancelled, and they don’t even warn you of it until you reach the airport. Still, here’s to private aviation being better than Biman (not).   52. The New Building Code: Don’t know if we’ll follow it, but at least on paper we are now required to leave Fifty percent of our land unbuilt. How about requiring all those Gulshan Avenue Banks to have their own parking lot next? VISITORS 53. Zinedine Zidane: Zizou headbutts his way to the top of the list of high profile visitors to Bangladesh. He was here to sell yoghurt, the president asked him to become an election observer, and the press forced him to express an interest in coaching the Bangladesh team. He promptly left. 54. Bill Gates: When the world’s richest man comes calling at the doors of some of the world’s poorest, it is cause for suspicion. Bill Gates visited with wife Melinda and media tycoon Ted Turner, looking to give away a portion of their worth in philanthropic gifts. Now that’s what we call really suspicious. 55. George Soros: It’s not a cause of great concern when George Soros comes to your country. It’s when he leaves that your troubles start. Ask Mahathir Mohammad. Last time Soros pulled out of Malaysia, the ringgit and its three neighbouring countries’ currencies almost crashed. This capitalist predator who made his billions in speculation also funds charities worldwide. He was here to launch a public health campaign.   56. Amartya Sen: A living legend of the economics discipline and an intellectual in the true sense of the word, every country would be proud to have Amartya Sen visit. We were too.   57. Waz and Shaz: Wasim and Ravi came to cover the Sri Lanka tour of Bangladesh. From what we hear, they played a lot more than just a few hooks and pulls. TOP 10 TV ADVERTISEMENTS 58. Din Bodlaisey: The Banglalink ad that tells how mobile phones are helping fishermen escape the clutches of middlemen is a huge hit with the viewers. It’s well directed, has great acting, and is definitely this year’s winner.   59. Tora akhon nakey tel diye ghuma: Witty one-liners in this Ashian City ad from old-man Kazi Jamaluddin who recently told Prothom Alo that his daughters live in Canada, the UK and Australia but he’s not sending them any shorishar tel because prices are so high.   59. Tora akhon nakey tel diye ghuma: Witty one-liners in this Ashian City ad from old-man Kazi Jamaluddin who recently told Prothom Alo that his daughters live in Canada, the UK and Australia but he’s not sending them any shorishar tel because prices are so high.   60. Rejwan: Was the source of the funniest one-liner in town: ‘Ki Rejwan…nishchoy gaarlfriend shaathey? Good, good.’ Shame that CityCell decided it was kitchy (it was, but that was its charm) and they redubbed and gentrified it. Now it’s just a lousy ad.   61. Ami akash-e bedhechhi ghor: Nice jingle, good concept, you can tell this ad is big, expensive and long. It’s difficult to sell glass. Even when it’s called nasir. This one did it well. 62. Better still: Corporate Amazon Kusum Sikder juggles her subordinate, mother, the new bloke at the office who tries to hit on her, and her husband, all of that while Banglalinked in a suit. Need we say more?   63. Shundoritoma: People can’t figure out whether they like this ad or hate it. Those who like it can’t figure out whether it’s the Tibet ad they like or the jingle. We say Tinni’s beach antics beat the crap out of the listless henolux model who tries to sell the same product after the news.   64. Shonar Chhelera: Can’t tell if LabAid’s shonar chhelera know the first thing about cardiology, but they definitely know how to make an ad that makes them look dependable. The son who studies abroad is a bit of a turd.   65. Ei poth jodi na shesh hoi: Innovative, moving, great music, realistic, nicely pieced together, and the old man in the end was a brilliant way to end it. You wish all Shohag journeys were actually so much fun.   66. Bheja Mati, Bheja Jal: This we call formulaic success. How can an ad that shows a nubile cutie prancing around in the rain not be popular? We were tempted not to include this ad as a chart topper but our conscience compelled us.   67. Amar Naam Mohfiz: Yet another classic of this year, in which a CNG driver is liberated from the tyrannies of yellow teeth and bad breath by Magic tooth powder. We wish sprinkling Magic Tooth Powder on people with bad breath would do the job as well. ANNOYING ON TV   68. Zahid Hasan cleaning dirty toilets: This Harpic ad is downright dirty, nasty, and we’re hesitant to touch even our remotes afterwards. And next time we run into Zahid Hasan, there will be no handshakes. 69. Little Dighi in mehdi advert: This little critter is annoying as hell. She’s Bangladesh’s dakota fanning. It’s her parents’ fault of course. There’s something perverse about the way they dress her as an adult in these ads. No, really.   70. Aupee Karim in Aktel Joy: She is supposed to be newly-wed but appears a bored twenty-year-married wife. In this ad, Aupee is no brand ambassador for marriage. She will be responsible for a generation of single, middle-aged men and women, in the future.   71. Fahmida Nabi in Close Up One: The ice princess of the talent hunt refuses to be impressed by anyone, and will not even spare children of her wrath. We think she is seriously delusional about why she was picked as a judge.   72. Eva Rahman in between ATN news: ATN’s version of international news coverage: show Eva Rahman flitting around in fifty, yes fifty, different locations around the world during one single music video that ATN insists on showing every day during breaks in their news bulletins. TOP DRAMA 73. Shaikh arrest: The first ever live telecast of a news event, it was like watching a Hollywood movie. Ended after twenty-six hours when Islamist terror kingpin Shaikh Abdur Rahman finally surrendered. What was with all the Burkha-clad women who walked out with him? We’re sure we counted more than four! 74. Mannan Bhuiyan-Abdul Jalil talks: One day the talks were going fine. A week later talks were going well. Some days later, they were on the verge of a breakthrough. And then they suddenly decided to end the most emotionally wrought and interest inducing TV drama since ei shob din ratri. They knew they were doing natok all along, and the media must feel foolish for overplaying it.   75. Late nights from Bangabhaban: Adviser to the caretaker government Mahbubul Alam has become a veritable TV star, brining us live press briefings almost every night, leaning on a police barricade in front of the Bangabhaban.   76. Uttara secret meeting: Senior government officials, most of whom will administer the upcoming elections, running for their lives as the cameras clicked. Nearly 45 retired and serving officials were secretly meeting at BNP stalwart Mahmudur Rahman’s Uttara office when the media caught up with them. While quietly escaping through the back door, some of the officials were discovered by the media and they ran for their lives hiding their faces in their jackets and some on the verge of tears. We love! 77. Head-butt. No, chest-butt: Zinedine Zidane’s chest-butt on Marco Matarazzi has to be one of the most iconic moments on live TV. It made the FIFA World Cup final look boring in comparison. WE LOVED TO HATE 78. Oborodh: Bringing lives and livelihoods to a standstill isn’t really the best way to woo voters, but there were dividends too, like Aziz and Zakaria going on leave. The question is, is it all worth destroying the economy for?   79. Crossfire: Extra-judicial killings, one thought, may come to an end once the caretaker government took over. No luck there. Law enforcers continued to go beyond the law right through 2006, and with wanton regularity.   80. Traffic jams: Listening to the traffic updates on one of the FM radio channels is enough to give you a headache. Wherever you travel, whenever you travel, if you're within the city limits, you will probably be stuck in jam for at least a half hour…and that's if you're only going from Satmasjid Road to Mirpur Road, or worse, Gulshan 1 to Gulshan 2.   81. Load shedding: The lights go out in Bangladesh oftener than Ershad changes sides. That’s saying a lot.   82. Too many talkshows: Like hearing your family whine about all that’s going wrong in life isn’t bad enough, now you have to hear ‘experts’ talking about your problems incessantly. STILL TICKING 83. Saifur Rahman: Past 75 and once having threatened to resign, the former finance minister looks strong and healthy. Although the number of public faux pas that he makes in a given year is gradually on the rise, and we are worried reading out another budget document may be difficult for him.   84. Mohammad Rafique: The leftover cricketer from a team of dinosaurs who dominated Bangladeshi cricket for a decade, Rafique still remains the linchpin of the side that has otherwise taken on an under-19 look. 85. BTV: Once an Agenda on the election manifesto and set for autonomy, BTV has since lost prominence, but is still around. Mostly used to force-feed news on all channels, live telecast of Bangladesh cricket, and midnight addresses to the nation.   86. Ittadi: You would think the explosion of satellite television would refine our tastes and heighten our expectations of TV production, but Hanif Sanket is still going strong, still making us laugh with his slapstick.   87. Humayun Ahmed: His work had been on the decline for some years. This year he came back with Holud Himu Kalo Rab which was not quite classic Himu but Ahmed has managed to retain some of his old magic. WISHED WE HAD BOUGHT   88. CNG conversion: If the World Bank has its way, the price of diesel, petrol and octane will skyrocket even further in 2007 and beyond. You get lesser rpm and slow pick-up with natural gas, but if there ever was a bang for your buck, this is it.   89. A plot of land, anywhere: The way Dhaka land prices are heaven-bound, with a new building code enforcing stricter laws. 90. Our favourite DVDs: Because anti-piracy laws have already been legislated and these are the last few moments of the golden age of piracy. BANGLADESH BY THE NUMBERS 91. 1,000 runs: The southpaw Shahriar Nafees achieved the rare feat of 1,000 runs in one-day internationals in one calendar year. The first time by a Bangladeshi batsman. He also got three hundreds along the way. Bravo!   92. 9,655: The number of soldiers Bangladesh has deployed in UN Missions across the world as of October 31, this year. Currently ranked number two amongst all countries in terms of military personnel in the UN peacekeeping forces, Bangladesh was ranked number one for a large part of the year and the year before.   93. 65,000: The number of 'solar home systems' installed by Grameen Shakti across Bangladesh. The system brings people the benefit of electric light and power to homes which do not have access to power, which is nearly 75 per cent of the country's total population. 94. 33.5 million: The number of children between nine months and 10 years vaccinated during the Bangladesh measles vaccination campaign held for three weeks between February 25 and March 16. It was the largest measles mass vaccination of its kind in history.   95. 7.9 billion: Total export worth of ready-made garments in US dollars for the fiscal year 2005-2006. The garments industry accounts for 75 per cent of all Bangladeshi exports which amounts to 10.52 billion US dollars. LOOKING FORWARD TO 96. Warid Telecom: If Banglalink created a stir and changed the telecom business, these guys promise to do double of that. The Dubai-based company is all set to begin operations next year. 97. Nando’s: Other fast food stores eat your hearts out. This grilled chicken chain promises to be the real deal for our Bengali taste buds with their authentic and extremely hot Portuguese recipes. 98. Elections: Slated for January 22, if nothing else changes all eyes will be on nominations, campaigns, rhetoric, processions, and the big day.   99. CSB: The first ever 24-hour news channel in Bangladesh has cost an estimated $7 million to set up according to recent reports. Judging by the viewership of television news, this should indeed be very promising. 100. Cricket World Cup: The only thing capable of upstaging politics in this country. Bangladesh will be participating for the third time on the big stage and this time they actually look good enough to do something. If they do perform, nothing else will matter in 2007.