 September, 2006
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Bangla channel blog
How far have we come since the bad-old-days of BTV? With a slew of Bangladeshi TV channels elbowing into our evening entertainment, Mashida R Haider spent a week watching everything from talk-shows to drama and news. This is her blog
So when I was told to stay home and watch Bangla television channels for seven days and write a blog, I smirked. This was the easiest thing ever! I donned my spectacles, curled up on cushions, remote in hand, air conditioner temperature at perfect, and I started watching. Half an hour later I was on the phone with the editor pleading for a swap. It’s one thing to channel surf, when you want to. I felt doomed. The heat outside beckoned me. I wanted to go to work, my eyes hurt, but I realised deadlines were deadlines, and this was the beginning of the end, of my life as I knew it. It started with…
Day 1
I have been watching Baishakhi for the past half hour. They are showing Smart Sky Shop. It’s amazing how perfect we all would be if we just shopped there. They have outlets everywhere. The products are marvellous. They have everything from facial products to sauna belts, and ayurvedic pills to make the extremely obese go Kate Moss thin. I would not have bothered getting a six month gym membership had I known of the dodgy looking diet pills. What cracks me up is the Yoko height increaser. The father saying that his daughter could not get married because of her height (can I please remind everyone here that the average height of a Bangladeshi male is 5’4”, yeah, no giants themselves!) and then he gets this amazing increaser that makes the soles of her feet rise, or something, and voila, she’s married. Not getting into a full-fledged feminist attack here, so I flipped to RTV to watch the Bangladesh Kenya Series, so went on Channel I.
Good stuff there. They are showing the Punam Priyam Show, and from what I can deduce, it has bits of everything. A sort of magazine onushthan. There was a song dance routine featuring Zahid Hassan and Nobel, not bad at all, they looked trim and perfect and of course Nobel is a model and all of that, but they were singing amidst a bed of roses. To each other? I couldn’t really tell anymore because with breathtaking speed, the show spun on to a manicure. I straightened up a bit and looked on with interest. They showed how to remove cuticles and use cream and so far nothing to be scathing about except the girl has skanky hands, the nail polish is lumpy, and George Michael’s Father Figure is playing in the background.
On Channel 1, there is a drama serial going on. It’s called Daar Kaak. With my English medium background ignominy, I thought it was Deer Kaak. Spent time pondering about that. But it’s a spy thriller thing. That’s the great thing about Bangla drama now, at least all the plots have changed from that traditional ‘private tutor and student love affairs’ thing. I was watching something else that day that dealt with eve teasing. So in Daar Kaak, there’s Rumana (a newcomer, as a friend I have bribed with lunch tells me), and Towkir, looking, as always, constipated. Please, for the love of God, Towkir, smile! I couldn’t really follow the plot that well, except that Towkir was confronting Mahfuz in a shady car over some deal (smuggling? heroin?) while a love song played on in the background. It had a Tarantino feel about it. Was interrupted by the Tibet Sundoritoma girl so quickly flipped.
Banglavision had a nice surprise for me. In a show called Amader Otithi they invited Farida Parveen, who is a personal favourite of mine, because not only does she have a gorgeous voice but I met her at a beauty parlour once and she was sweet enough to let me go first, and sweeter still when I didn’t know who she was. She talked about how she started off at Rajshahi Radio, and when the presenter asked her what she knew about Lalon, she shrugged and laughed and said that she just sang his songs. And then she sang, and the sets were really bright, so overall, it was worth it.
In ATN Bangla, a young girl wearing a pink Bollywood kameez stood in a shorsha field singing deshattobodhuk songs in a nasal voice, and I changed to NTV to watch Shormila (again, my friend tells me that is what her name is) stood crying copiously in front of her dead husband’s picture and apparently she’s been doing that since I was ten, and she still looks the same. Point to ponder: Do Bangladeshi TV stars have access to Asian Sky Shop? Saved by power cut. Tomorrow I am watching the morning segment. It will be better, I know it.
Day 2
Didn’t sleep the whole of last night in anticipatory anxiety of being up in the morning. Was not happy to drag myself in front of the television with bleary eyes. Luckily, morning for Baishakhi meant line up of different dramas. The trailers all looked good. The noticeable thing, and I reiterate, was the effort to modernise drama. And by modernisation I mean contemporary clothing styles, make up, and even new age lingo. Made a mental note to follow up on one of them. Then out of nowhere a girl started singing well, with snapshots of herself in different saris, and a waterfall in between.
RTV was showing Look at Me, a show with someone who was supposed to be a fashion idol. There was much brouhaha about how she looked (no comments), and she said she had a ‘fescination’ for modelling/dancing/drama and that she loved ‘vezetables’ and there was plenty of laughter and banter between her and her host, while she talked about how she loves wearing saris but she bought her red dress especially for the show. And I was rolling my eyes till the host asked her what she thought beauty was, and she said beauty comes from within and if you are confident you are beautiful. Ignore the plastic smile, and that was well said.
And then started a show, that I thought, I could really get into. Grameen Phone Tritio Matra has been the talk of the town for a long time. The debates are usually monologues, the opponents badly matched but the topics are interesting. Today they were Barrister Tanya Amir, versus Monowar Hossain Alal, General Secretary of the Jatiyabadi Jubadal. At first I got a bit outraged at the condescending looks that Alal was throwing at the barrister lady. And then I realised why. She didn’t even speak in Bengali, and at one point her smartest rebuttal were the words ‘Boring, boring! Say something new!’ I might get sued for saying this but she was straight out of that Alicia Silverstone movie; Clueless was it? At the end both of them raised their voices till nobody could be heard and Zillur Rahman intervened and said it was the end of the show. Much like they break up squabbles between children.
At this point, my eyes were drooping but I turned to Banglavision where a talk show was going on among young people. One of the speakers a woman in her mid-twenties, was hot, the host was, well, I know him personally so I can’t really say anything except that he clapped so hard at every comment that everybody made that I couldn’t help but wonder if he was on Prozac. It was all about beauty pageants, and how beauty should be more than skin deep and its more about brains and talent so why could we not have a show called ‘Miss Shining Smile’. A lot of clapping followed. And then I took a long nap. Friday morning I will wake up at eight. I promise.
Day 3
So I did set my alarm for eight and went on snooze. I love snoozing. Everybody loves snoozing. But when I finally did wake up, I was excited. I remember the good old days of BTV and Friday morning Voltron and Notun Kuri. My dream was to be a Notun Kuri girl, it could be in singing or recitation or pantomime for all I cared. I had visions of myself in that shocking pink blouse and navy blue skirt (even at that tender age I knew I wanted it short) and swaying from side to side in oily pigtails. I had one stint on BTV. We wore red body suits and gloves and socks and were the letters of the barnamala. I was the letter ‘a’ and every time my turn came I had to sing ‘ekka gari khub chuteche’ and run. There were thirty takes and I feel sorry for the guy who had to do somersaults. My father proudly videotaped it but now I hope he’s lost it.
So Friday morning started with Kaaler Kotha, a historical documentary. It was very interesting. It was about Amartya Sen’s life and they went to his village in Manikganj, and the irony of it was that nobody there had heard of him. That narration was precise and expressive, not the usual ‘let me put you to sleep right now’ droning sort of voice. Then the programme started about jute and how it’s trying to make a comeback but not quite succeeding and while I did flip channels at that point, I thought that this was a great way of educating children who didn’t know much about their country. I mean, it’s only recently that English medium schools have started including Bangladesh studies as part of their courses, and when I was growing up, I had little perspective.
BTV World actually made me clap my hands, because they had little children reciting poetry, swaying side by side, exactly as the Notun Kuri kids. Unfortunately, it isn’t my dream anymore, so I changed channels.
Bangla Vision, which the night before had been showing the model Emi doing a Mr. Bean-like character (and she was very good with her facial expressions!), was now showing a drama where Zahid Hassan (where have the newcomers gone?) played a journalist who wrote against his girlfriend’s father’s factory because of the environmental pollution it caused. Again, drama’s come a long way. The themes are so diverse. Suborna Mustafa came in a sleeveless blouse, and again, I was impressed, because there’s nothing wrong with showing arms. They are just arms. I am glad the television people realise this. Do we owe Mustafa Sarwar Farooqi a big hand for these interplanetary leaps in drama that we seem to have made?
The drama ended and a careers show started and followed the life of a beekeeper. It was really great to hear him talk, and he explained the technicalities of beekeeping (big fan of honey, so forgive me for going on about it) but also that it takes very little space and very little investment and is ideal for, say, a person with a degree who is unable to get a job. It’s lucrative, and profitable.
I watched Shangskriti Ei Shoptaho and it was a roundup of cultural events in and out of Dhaka (which I thought was important). It was very comprehensive, covering the Dhaka Art Camp, the yearly event that takes place on the banks of the Dhamrai Bongshi river and artists, famous and not so famous, old and young, gather to paint. The air was festive, some of the paintings breathtaking, and they moved on to the BPFDA awards where Poppy was shown (she always is, this is one lady who’s on every channel) and Shakeela Zafar sang (dare I say this is one lady who always sings everywhere?) and a bit of fire spinning.
Overall, I am impressed. This was a Friday morning well spent. I loved the shows. I am beginning to get the hang of this.
Day 4
It’s five in the morning and I am writing this blog. I hope my editor appreciates this, but to tell the truth, no one appreciates genius till they die. I just had a thought. In all my blogs, I haven’t mentioned ads once and they are important. No kidding, we all know how important they are for the running of the channels themselves. But I remember the ads of yesteryears and the animations of keshoboti konnas, and the prince (he was so gross that I was disillusioned for life—if he was the prince I’d rather have the court jester!) who climbed up Rapunzel’s hair for a hair oil ad. I also remember the Henolux ad, where a really fat (sorry!), dark (I am dark too, so I am allowed that) woman said ‘Heno heno lux, complexion cream,’ with no expression on her face.That was it. I am still haunted.
There were the good ones like the Pedrollo pump ad, and the raat kana rog ad. Without going into too much details, I’d have to say they were good, otherwise why would we still talk about them?
But the ads nowadays are worth watching for the sake of themselves, and I know I sound like a loser, but they are brilliant! At least some of them are. I still won’t forgive the one where Zahid Hassan is the Harpic guy and you are forced to look at a really stained toilet pan. I hate it. But the jingles for some are great, and the music, the high budget, the models, all of them make you want to look at them. From the hilarious ones like the toothpaste ad where the man shouts ‘Amar naam Mofij, bhara hoisey tirish’, to the ones for Nasir Glass, and the Motijheel City Center are beautiful because of the jingles and the visual aids. Children flying kites, clichéd as it is, move anyone. And anybody who’s ever watched the Lab Aid ad and watched the consternation on the mother and daughter’s face as they watch the father being taken away for operation will surely relate to it. The acting is so good. The Danish ad also took me by surprise because the models were so good looking and the scenery was great. And it was the ease with which they danced. Grameen phone ads are always touching, and I love the Banglalink ad where they take you to different places and say ‘Banglalinked’. These are so innovative. My all time favourite though is the RC Cola ad where Nobel dances with the girl in red, who is gorgeous, because of the song.
Of course, there are the ones that demean women. The Fair and Lovely ads, for one. Why is it implied that if you are fair, you will get the job you want, the acting career you want, that you will be famous, and you’ll be discovered? Are they for real? And what kind of message is that for anybody?
A friend of mine recently pointed out that Indian models are increasingly used in ads on Bangla TV. Of course, they are beautiful. But we have our own beauties too. So where are they?
Enough pondering. The sun is rising. Its time for me to become my vampire self again.
Day 5
I literally rolled out of bed today. I fell on my cushions, scrambled around for my glasses, and croakily asked for a cup of really sugary tea. I couldn’t even focus for the first few minutes. The game plan today was to watch the television channels I had been ignoring. There are so many channels, and so many things happening at the same time, it’s hard to keep track. So when I asked for this assignment I took it as a challenge. Not really, I just thought it would be easy.
So I started with Stv. I was in for a real treat. They started showing an old, old Bangla cinema. A king with a pearl crown sat in his bamboo throne while Diti pleaded for the life of Ilias Kanchon. It was dramatic and entertaining. I’ve always liked Bangla cinema. I spent the whole night watching a Bangla cinema once. Moushumi, in a satin midnight blue Victorian gown came running in and said ‘Daddy, ami ajke Europe jabo!’ Her businessman father said ‘of course!’ and she scampered off (as possible as it is for Moushumi to scamper) to her friends and then totally forgot about it. Then she came running back to angry parents with suitcases and said, ‘ok, amra kaalke jabo’, and they all grinned and everything turned out well. Then her father went to his garments factory and the new caretaker turned out to be his former brother-in-law, with an adopted daughter, which was actually the garment owner’s, who lived in the village, and was none other than Diti. So back to Stv. They started playing ‘hai re hai miss Langka, churi korecho amar monta’. Which era are these people from? And why is that song still in my head?
Turned to Falgun Music Channel for help, and saw our very own Bob Dylan. James, as popular as he is, does not appeal to me. He’s the dirtiest looking man I have seen on TV, with no singing talent, even though his new Hindi song is nice. Then Nargis Nishan sang a retro version of Leela Bali, and Tishma came on in a shocking pink body suit. I was speechless. This girl makes me this way.
Channel S is apparently owned by Londoni Sylhetis. What can I say? Kudos to Sylhetians! So it turns out that Stv has a lot of very Bangladeshi looking people talking with perfect British accents. It is a bit of a culture shock at first, but then, you get used to it. I started out with a girl dancing in a video wearing a white bridal gown. See, when I was young, I was a bit warped and thought that when I grew up I wanted a white wedding. When I saw this girl with her kohl lined eyes and bright red lipstick, I knew how wrong I was. There was this girl reading news in a suit, nothing to write home about.
Channel S then started showing an ad for Biowhite, anti wrinkle, anti ageing, anti everything magic cream. I have put it down in my list of things to get. Then they showed an ad for Auri Gold, where they set a Ferrari on fire, and then wiped it off with the car polish, and dancing girls with golden shoes danced on the car, and they wiped it off, and then they put on US military costumes and shot bullets, and even those marks could be wiped off.
That’s it for today. I am going downstairs to set the car on fire.
Day 6
If all these television channels have changed our lives in any one way, it’s with the news. It’s brilliant. By common consensus, NTV has been known to have best news coverage and the best presenters. Their recent coverage of poet Shamsur Rahman’s death was the most extensive and their news presenters are the most superior by far, with Samia Rahman getting the distinction for starting the trend where newscasters look snazzy. She has fallen a bit behind on the chic front though, hasn’t she?
Channel-i also has good news bulletins, except that they are hourly, and so the news gets old at times. Although news hardly ever gets old in Bangladesh. If there aren’t mutilated bodies lying around, there are earthquakes, famines, and all the good things in life. For the longest time I had huge issues about the footage that these channels show, and how explicit they are. Every time I would turn on the news, there would be at least one dead body. But slowly I am realising the importance of people being exposed to the untarnished, blatant truth. Also, the newspaper headline shows fill you in on what you’ve otherwise missed out on your way out in the mornings.
Boishakhi has a remarkable amount of good-looking presenters, with good presenting skills, both male and female. The best part is, politicians own a lot of these channels, but so far the news seems unbiased. What remains to be seen is what happens after the next elections.
Day 7
Today there has been no television for me. I am too tired. My back hurts. My recently acquired bifocals need more power. I think. Can’t even concentrate anymore. Last night I flipped the channel to golf on ESPN and was so enchanted that I think that my husband is starting to worry about me. But seriously, I have complained a lot (people who love me tell me I am a bit of a whiner and most times I tend not to believe them, but some of the times I do), but I’ve also enjoyed it. Nothing beats staying at home and watching television. Perhaps not Bangla television per se, I mean, you can mix channels occasionally. Maybe that’s why I got my friend to get me Kaal Ho Na Ho today. But Bangla channels, and in all sincerity I say this, have come so, so far. Gone are the expressionless days of BTV nonsense. There’s something in here for everyone. I personally love watching the ads. And of course the Bangla cinema. One thing I wanted to watch was Siddiqa Kabir’s show, because if I was to stay at home, I also wanted to learn how to cook, the Bangla way. All I can do is stir fry well. But I missed the timings. And one thing that I really loved missing was Laal Golaper Shubheccha, because no matter how much people try to convince me that it is a serious talk show (and no one does) a man presenting you with a red rose at the end of the day, the bright red rose sets, and the man himself, does not deserve seriousness. So this is it. I will watch more Bangla channels from now on. After a week’s break, because, hallelujah, I am back at work, in the land of the living again!
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