Bangladesh ‘A’ beat the Zimbabwe ‘A’ by 50 runs in the first four-day Test match at the Queens Sports Club, Bulawayo, on Wednesday.
   The hosts resuming on 229 for six were bowled out for 248 chasing a winning target of 299 on the final day.
   Pacer Shahadat Hossain captured five wickets for 63 runs while star left-arm spinner Enamul Haque (Jr) had a ten-wicket haul in the match conceding 116 runs.
   Enamul took seven wickets for 47 in the first innings and the three second innings wickets cost him 69 runs.
   Bangladesh ‘A’ had scored 254 in the first innings before restricting the hosts to 188. Enjoying a 66-run lead on the first innings Bangladesh ‘A’ began their second knock and amassed 232 and then bowled out the hosts to take a 1-0 lead.
   Pacer Shahadat Hossain ripped through the middle-order of the Zimbabwe ‘A’taking three wickets to halt their march towards the victory target throwing them on the back foot.
   Shahadat removed the opponent skipper Dion Ebrahim for 63, who was looking dangerous in his 205-ball innings with five fours and one six.
   K Samunderu and G. Strydom were the other victims of Shahadat making 9 and 0 respectively.
   Earlier, openers Terrence Duffin and Visumozu Sibanda gave a good foundation putting on 77 runs.
   Spinner Enamul Haque provided Bangladesh ‘A’ the breakthrough sending back Sibanda stumped out when he was on 27.
   Duffin was the next to go falling victim to part-time seamer Tushar Imran scoring 56 off 217 balls hitting seven fours.
   Wicketkeeper Mufambisi stopped any further damage till the end of the third day’s
   play with a confident 36 and Blessing Mahwire was with him on 5.
   The second four-dayer of the three-match series starts on Saturday, February 19, at the same venue.

India’s cricket chiefs meet here today hoping to find a magic formula to dismantle numerous obstacles standing in the way of Pakistan’s first tour in six years set to start in 10 days.
   Venues have still not been finalised, broadcasting rights are embroiled in a court tussle, tickets are still to be printed and flights and accommodation have yet to be booked for the tour starting on February 25.
   Worse, Hindu fundamentalists have voiced their anger at the visit and a few are threatening to disrupt matches.
   ‘Wish there was an Alladin’s lamp to sweep the problems away,’ said an official of the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI).
   ‘We have to manage in 10 days what usually takes months.’
   The BCCI will have to work overtime to that ensure Pakistan’s first tour of India since 1999, consisting of three Tests and five one-day internationals, goes off without a hitch.
   The venues will be fixed on Thursday only after getting a confirmation from the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) whether it is willing to play in Ahmedabad, the main city in the western state of Gujarat where at least 2,000 people, mostly Muslims, were killed in communal riots in 2002.
   News channels reported from Islamabad on Wednesday that the Pakistan government had asked the PCB to play in Ahmedabad, but no confirmation was available.
   The PCB had cited security concerns in Ahmedabad, but had no objections about playing in Mohali and Bangalore, the other two Test venues proposed by the BCCI.
   Once the dates and venues are finalised, the BCCI will discuss awarding television rights for the series.
   No one is absolutely certain as to which channel the series will be broadcast on, if at all.
   Last September, the BCCI backed out of a four-year, 308-million dollar deal with Zee Telefilms, India’s largest listed media company, after it was challenged in court by rival ESPN-Star Sports, jointly owned by Disney and Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp.
   The Madras High Court, which is hearing a counter petition by Zee, last week advised the BCCI not to finalise any deal for the Pakistan series till the case is heard today.
   The series against Australia and South Africa earlier in the season were telecast by public broadcaster Doordarshan.
   The seven-week tour follows India’s first Test series in Pakistan in 15 years in early 2004.

New Zealand and Australia square-off in a Twenty20 cricket match here Today, using the new rapid-fire form of the game to try to ignite interest in their upcoming series which includes five one-day internationals and three Tests.
   New Zealand, although ranked second in the world in limited overs cricket, go into the series plagued with injuries while Australia arrive off the back of a series in which they trounced both Pakistan and the West Indies.
   Four players in the New Zealand squad—Kyle Mills, Jeff Wilson, Daniel Vettori and Scott Styris—have injury niggles bringing a lop-sided feel to the series and waning public interest.
   Twenty20, though, is ‘ideal for marketing the tour and starting the juices flowing,’ former New Zealand captain Martin Crowe wrote in a weekly newspaper column.
   The new cricket phenomenon is designed to push people through the turnstiles and hold them for three-hours of non-stop scoring, rather than the day-long, stop-start nature of 50-over one-day cricket where public interest appears to be waning.
   ‘In three hours you can’t get away from an exhibition of fast and furious action,’ Crowe said.
   ‘There will be little thought from captains compared to ODIs and little strategy compared to ‘Tests.’
   Although the tour focus remains firmly fixed on the opening one-day international in Wellington on Saturday,
   New Zealand coach John Bracewell said the Twenty20 match was a good opportunity to have an early ‘sighter’ of each other.
   ‘The Twenty20 match might be a chance to get first psychological points with a long series ahead,’ he said.
   Statistics may favour New Zealand who have not lost a home series in four years and in the 1974 calendar year won 76 percent of all ODIs, shading Australia’s 73 percent, but statistics count for nought compared to current form where Australia have an aura of invincibility.
   Double All Black Wilson, who returns to the international line up after a 12-year lay-off, said it was no secret Australia were viewed as the toughest opponent on offer, but he took confidence from the form of the New Zealand side over the past 12 to 18 months.
   ‘The Aussies are the world’s premier team but we’re a pretty accomplished one-day side too, and I’m looking forward to being a part of the challenge,’ he said.
   ‘As a team, we’re under no illusions about how tough it will be or how good they are; but it’s simply a matter of playing consistently well against them, and grabbing all our chances.’
   Meanwhile Bracewell said he was receiving positive reports on players who had been rested recently to recover
   from injuries and niggling complaints and would reassess his squad after the second one-day match.

Pakistan’s first cricket tour of India in six years could be under threat if a row over venues is not resolved within the next two days, the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) chief said Wednesday.
   ‘With just nine days left for the tour, it might be in danger if (the venue issue is) not solved in the next 48 hours,’ PCB chief Shaharyar Khan told AFP.
   The dispute erupted after Pakistan refused to play at the riot-hit western Indian city of Ahmedabad. It has delayed the announcement of the schedule with Pakistan due to arrive in New Delhi February 25. Khan, speaking by telephone from the northwestern city of Mardan where he went to offer his condolences to cricketer Younis Khan over his father’s death, would not elaborate on the ‘danger’ and said he hoped it would be averted.
   ‘The matter of venues should be solved in the next two days as we face huge problems of logistics and, above all, television rights,’ Khan said. ‘With just over a week left we are running short of time and would find it tough to complete preparations.’

Australia’s current side is the country’s best-prepared unit, but Ricky Ponting’s planning for the first Twenty20 international against New Zealand today was a hasty affair.
   Rather than skimming airport novels or greyhound form guides, Ponting swotted rules and game plans on the flight to Auckland as Australia push for a tri-fecta of successful Test, one-day international and Twenty20 debuts.
   Ponting played one similar match for Somerset last year and the success of the game in England has guided third-generation cricket into the global arena.
   ‘I haven’t actually captained one yet, so I’m going to have to put my thinking cap on and work out what to do and work out what the field restrictions are,’ Ponting said.
   On the flight Ponting would have learned bowlers are restricted to four overs, two close catchers are needed for the first six overs and new batsmen have 90 seconds between dismissals to reach the crease.
   No-balls in the 20-over innings are worth two runs and are further punished with a free hit from the next delivery.
   Ponting said the shorter game could help the 50-over format by producing even larger scores.
   ‘Everyone’s talking about the one-day game being a bit old and a bit boring,’ he said. ‘The more Twenty20 cricket you play, your skills will get better and that will rub off in a 50-over game. If there are bigger scores being made in 50-over cricket then it will be attractive again.’
   Martin Crowe, who helped introduce third-generation cricket, believes a simple change to the fielding restrictions, which require a maximum of two players outside the inner circle for the first 15 overs, could bring the one-day game back to life.
   Crowe told NZPA the rule should be increased to 20 overs an innings, with the fielding captain choosing to apply them in four blocks of five overs. Under the plan there would be 10 overs of restrictions in each half of the innings.
   ‘That’s all one-day international cricket needs,’ he said. ‘Everything else is fine. It’s just taking away the predictability of one-day cricket and bringing back that uncertainty, and giving it a bit more strategy and choice for the captain.’
   Crowe does not believe Twenty20 will threaten the mid-length game. Ponting does not expect players to pick up bad habits from the slog-fests and pointed to the 50-over game for examples.
   ‘If you have a look at what one-day cricket’s done for Test cricket, I think it’s been very positive,’ he said. ‘Who would’ve thought you could score 400 runs in a day of Test cricket, going back even 10 years?’
   Australia won the first Test in 1877 at the MCG and the opening one-day international at the same ground in 1971, when an experimental match of 40 eight-ball overs was quickly scheduled as the third Australia v England Test was washed out.

Former South African cricketer Jonty Rhodes believes that the possible absence of paceman Shoaib Akhtar in the Pakistan squad will not make much of a difference as pitches in India do not assist fast bowlers.
   While agreeing that the Rawalpindi Express’ absence would be a ‘dampener’, Rhodes pointed out that there were not ‘too many wickets in India which assist fast bowlers’.
   ‘If they are playing in Pakistan, where there are a few hard, bouncy wickets, he would have been missed a bit more,’ he said on the sidelines of a press conference by eco-safari operator CC Africa, for which he is a brand ambassador.
   The key to the Indian success would be their spinners and left-arm seamers, who are really bowling well, he said.
   Rhodes, best known for his acrobatics in the field, said it is important for both India and Pakistan to get a good start to the series.
   Pakistan has a few ‘confidence-boosting’ wins during their Australian tour, while India has the home advantage.
   Both have injury worries.
   ‘If both sides get their best players on the field, it’s going to be a very close game’, he said.
   Rhodes said, whenever there are matches between India and Pakistan, there is ‘so much political news off the field’ that sometimes it’s quite hard (for the players) to focus.
   ‘The side that is able to put that aside and focus on the game will have the advantage.’
   Rhodes said Australia’s current domination of world cricket might come to an end when four or five key players retire around the same time.
   ‘What might happen is that Australia might get to a stage where four or five key players retire around the same sort of time,’ he said.
   Rhodes felt that once these key players retire, it would give an opportunity to other countries to put up a strong side against Australia.
   What was very good about Australia is their consistency in selection, with the same team playing most games. ‘Unless there is an injury, a player plays,’ he said.
   Except for Michael Clarke coming in, there had not been many changes in the Australian squad in the last three to four years, he said.
   He disagreed with a suggestion that Zimbabwe and Bangladesh needed to be stripped off their Test-playing status, as they had not been playing well at the top level in recent years.
   While Bangladeshis have made ‘big strides’, Zimbabwe has had to deal with political issues. ‘You have to give them opportunities.’
   ‘Bangladesh neeeds Australia, India, England and South Africa to play in Bangladesh to generate interest and get income from TV rights. You need to support them. You can’t have only two or three best teams in the world playing.’
   ‘The cricket community should support each other. They (Zimbabwe and Bangladesh) must play (Tests)’, he said.

Steve Waugh will further strengthen his ties with the city of Kolkata by setting up a Cricket City in Rajarhat New Town, on the outskirts of the metropolis. Waugh’s plan has met with the approval of Asok Bhattacharya, West Bengal’s minister for urban development.
   Though Waugh had expressed his desire to set up the township in the innards of the bustling city, Bhattacharya informed him that it wouldn’t be possible to set aside 150 acres of land within city limits. With West Howrah, Dankuni and Rajarhat being the options, Waugh plumped for the latter after taking a look around.
   Waugh’s plan involves a township and an academy equipped with a training centre. Waugh also informed the minister of his wish to set up a golf course, and also a school for children with impaired vision. With Sourav Ganguly also setting up a cricket academy, the future appears bright for the willow game in a state that was once a football fiefdom.

Australian Tom Moody wants to be in the running for the England coaching job when Duncan Fletcher steps down.
   Fletcher has a rolling contract but there is speculation the Ashes could be his last series. Otherwise the 2007 World Cup could be a target.
   ‘It would be a great challenge to have,’ Worcestershire coach Moody told BBC Radio Five Live.
   ‘Duncan is obviously in the position at the moment and has done an outstanding job over the last five years.’
   Moody is only contracted at New Road until the end of this season and could be considered as Australia’s next head man as John Buchanan’s contract expires after the Ashes.

Hampshire have signed Simon Katich as their second overseas player, enhancing their Australian connection. Shane Warne will captain the side up until the Ashes series starts.
   Katich played at the Rose Bowl in 2003, stroking six centuries on his way to 1143 runs at 60.15.
   He also made a cameo appearance last season, joining Michael Clarke and Warne as part of the Australian contingent.
   However, with a place in the Ashes squad almost guaranteed, it remains to be seen how much of a role Katich will play in Hampshire’s campaign.

Michael Vaughan has declared that Australia will be under more pressure than England during this year’s Ashes series. Speaking to The Wisden Cricketer, he said he looked forward to battle with the best team ever.
   ‘It’s a summer I’m looking forward to because we’re playing against the best team there has ever been. I shall certainly tell my team that if they can’t go into that with the same sense of excitement, they shouldn’t be there. There’s certainly only one team under maximum pressure and that’s them’.
   ‘We will have to play at our maximum against them to win, far better than we have on this tour. But what excites me is that I’m going into an Ashes series with a young team, one that will be around in 2006-07, whereas they openly admit they will lose some players, maybe as many as four or five. What we have done this winter is show character and you need that and guts above all against the Aussies.’
   Vaughan spoke of his relationship with Duncan Fletcher who, he said, made the captain’s job easier. ‘The captain and coach relationship is crucial. You have to be so close, bouncing ideas off each other. You don’t always agree but, as soon as you go into the team, you have to be singing from the same hymn sheet, even if one of you thinks differently. He’s very clever to work with, brilliant technically, and he makes my job so much easier.

Former cricket great Imran Khan Tuesday deplored attempts by a group of Hindu hardliners to spoil a Test pitch in a bid to disrupt Pakistan’s forthcoming tour of India.
   ‘Attempts to dig pitches by the extremists to disrupt Pakistan’s tour of India and statements calling for cancellation of the tour are disheartening and uncalled for, fans in Pakistan and India are really hurt over such reports,’ he told AFP.
   ‘Cricket can further the peace process. Indian team and spectators were received so warmly last year and people here expect the same in India,’ Khan said referring to India’s 2004 tour of Pakistan, their first for 15 years.
   Pakistan’s refusal has sparked calls for the tour to be cancelled and some suspected activists of the Hindu fundamentalist Shiv Sena party were arrested attempting to dig up the pitch at Mohali, proposed venue of the first Test.
   But Khan said the majority of Indians want to tour to go ahead.
   ‘It’s not a major threat, the vast majority of Indian public is looking forward to this tour, I was in India recently and everyone said they look forward to the tour,’ said Khan. Khan backed the Pakistan Cricket Board’s stance of not playing in Ahmedabad.
   ‘I think Pakistan’s stand is understandable, in 1987 I had to ask the players to wear helmets on the boundary line, we didn’t want the team to come out of the ground but it was threatening the safety of the players.’
   ‘We were ambassadors of peace at that time, so we did not want to mar the tour because General Ziaul Haq, then Pakistan president, had done cricket diplomacy by visiting India during a match,’ said Khan.

An Olympic evaluation team has begun inspecting London’s bid for the 2012 Games, as remarks by the capital’s mayor that a Jewish reporter had acted like a Nazi war criminal threatened to overshadow the visit.
   Mayor Ken Livingstone, asked the reporter from London’s Evening Standard newspaper if he was a ‘German war criminal’ during a confrontation outside a party last week.
   When the reporter replied he was Jewish, Livingstone responded that he was acting like a ‘concentration camp guard’.
   Jewish groups have called the remarks offensive and demanded an apology, but Livingstone has refused and denied the comments were racist.

Belgium’s former world tennis number one Kim Clijsters made a victorious return to the WTA circuit after nearly four months away here on Tuesday as she downed Croatian Jelena Kostanic 6-2, 6-3 in the 585,000 dollars tournament.
   The 21-year-old had been forced to take a rest with a serious wrist injury back in October but took just under an hour to see off her 35th ranked opponent as she seeks to defend her title.
   Clijsters, who will meet fifth seed Nadia Petrova of Russia in the second round, broke Kostanic twice in the first set and once in the second before clinching the match on her first match point.
   She expressed her delight at making such a fluent return.
   ‘I was bursting to resume my competitive career but I am somewhat astonished at how well it went against a highly-rated rival like that,’ said Clijsters, whose fellow Belgian Justine Henin-Hardenne also suffered an injury-plagued year last year despite being crowned Olympic champion.
   ‘Physically, I felt tops so I knew I would last the match.’

England’s former offspinner, Robert Croft, has spent the night in hospital in Swansea, after the car he was driving was involved in a motorway collision with a lorry.
   The incident took place on Tuesday evening outside the town of Penllergaer in Carmarthenshire. According to a spokesperson for Glamorgan Cricket Club, Croft’s car was struck by a log which came loose from the lorry in front of him and crashed through his windscreen.
   He was taken to Morriston Hospital in Swansea, where he was kept overnight as a precautionary measure, and will undergo a scan on Wednesday. His father, who was also travelling in the car with him, was reportedly unscathed.

Tiger Woods could reclaim the world number one golf ranking from Fiji’s Vijay singh here this week by finishing in the top four here at the PGA Nissan Open.
   Woods spent a record 334 weeks atop the rankings, including 264 in a row before being dethroned last September by Singh’s victory at Boston. Singh went on the win nine events last year and set a US PGA tour prize money record.
   Singh stands at 11.97 points in the rankings with Woods second at 11.85 and South African Ernie Els third at 10.79. Players earn points over a two-year span with special emphasis on the past three months.

Sports Illustrated’s annual swimsuit issue hit the American newsstands Tuesday with Olympians such as Australian basketball hero Lauren Jackson being pictured along with American tennis star Venus Williams.
   Jackson, who posed nude in an Australian art magazine before the Athens Games, was pictured in a bikini and quoted in a caption as saying, ‘It felt better to have some clothes on.’
   Jennie Finch, a United States softball pitcher, was pictured showing off her Athens gold medal clad in a gold bikini while US swimmer Amanda Beard, who has won seven Olympic medals, was pictured in a large fold out.
   Williams, whose sister Serena Williams has been a prior SI photo subject, received a three-page layout of her own.
   Eighteen professional models were featured in the magazine.

Germany’s domestic problems are getting in the way of preparations for the 2006 World Cup, organising committee president Franz Beckenbauer has warned.
   ‘Since June the work has been at a standstill while we’ve had to put out one fire after another,’ Beckenbauer said at the Berlin Film Festival.
   The DFB will be jointly run until the World Cup by the outgoing president Gerhard Mayer-Vorfelder and the incoming Theo Zwanziger.
   ‘The co-presidency was decided on in good faith but it cannot work,’ Beckenbauer said. ‘Too much effort is being wasted on side issues.’

A Ronaldinho XI saw off a side captained by Andriy Shevchenko 6-3 in FIFA’s Football For Hope benefit match held here Tuesday which raised up to three million dollars for the tsunami disaster.
   Although Barcelona’s 100,000-capacity Nou Camp stadium was less than half full – 36,000 tickets priced between 10 and 29 euros had been sold hours before kick-off – FIFA president Sepp Blatter applauded the initiative.
   ‘This is the first time in my 30 years in FIFA that we have seen such an assembly of great players coming together for a humanitarian cause,’ said Blatter.
   ‘It’s a great moment for international football,’ Blatter added.
   The match was preceded by a minute’s silence impeccably observed in honour of the 287,000 people who died after a powerful undersea earthquake off the Indonesian island of Sumatra sent huge waves pounding into coastlines around the Indian Ocean.
   And in an entertaining affair in which the players sported the Football For Hope logo on their shirts, Samuel Eto’o, playing on his home turf, opened the scoring in the 13th minute on the day he was named African Footballer of the Year.
   His Barca team-mate, World Footballer of the Year Ronaldinho, fittingly got the second six minutes later.
   The ever-smiling Brazilian only had to tap in after his fellow countryman Kaka flicked the ball across the goalmouth after having his own attempt parried by the keeper.
   Alessandro Del Piero pulled one back for Shevchenko’s side, the Juventus ace set up by a brilliant pass from Zinedine Zidane.
   A minute later Shevchenko should have levelled but the Ukrainian’s header was tipped over the bar.
   Eto’o doubled up on the stroke of half time, dummying the keeper to score into an empty goal.
   The second half proved equally productive, with Shevchenko’s side levelling after strikes from Gianfranco Zola and David Suazo.
   But Ronaldinho’s team had the last word with a quick-fire double from Southampton’s Senegalese international Henri Camara and a 79th minute effort from Eintracht Frankfurt’s Korean midfielder Cha Doo-Ri.
   Frank Rijkaard, coach of the winning side and of Barcelona, said, ‘I think it’s right to participate in an event like this – it’s important for the victims of the tsunamis and I think the players did a great job.’
   Lennart Johansson, boss of UEFA, European football’s governing body, praised the speed with which football responded to the tsunamis.
   ‘Many governments reacted slowly to the catastrophe, football reacted immediately,’ he said.
   Addressing the teams beforehand, Mohamed Bin Hammam, president of the Asian Football Confederation, said, ‘You’re all extraordinary players but you’re also extraordinary people.’
   In total football has raised an estimated ten million dollars for the December 26 disaster.

Cameroon striker Samuel Eto’o was named African Footballer of the Year for the second consecutive time here Tuesday.
   The announcement came as no surprise after Eto’o told team-mates of his impending triumph after a friendly against Senegal in France last week and several journalists overheard the conversation.
   But the result will be a bitter blow to Nigerian football followers who believed veteran midfielder Austin ‘Jay-Jay’ Okocha would win after being voted top player of the 2004 African Nations Cup in Tunisia.
   Eto’o could not receive the award personally at a lavish ceremony in the Indian Ocean city as he was scheduled to play in a charity match in Barcelona later Tuesday for victims of the Asian tsunami disaster last December.
   In a repeat of last year, the other finalists were Ivory Coast striker Didier Drogba and Okocha, who play for English Premiership clubs Chelsea and Bolton respectively.
   While Eto’o failed to sparkle in a disappointing Cameroon team at the Nations Cup, he has been outstanding for Spanish league leaders Barcelona, scoring 17 goals in 23 appearances this season.
   Brazilian superstar and reigning World Footballer of the Year Ronaldinho was glowing in his praise of Barca team-mate Eto’o this week.
   ‘Samuel is undoubtedly the most dangerous attacking player in the Spanish championship and often makes the difference when Barcelona face other leading clubs,’ said Ronaldinho.
   Eto’o is only the fourth African star after Ghana midfielder Abedi ‘Pele’ Ayew, Liberia striker George Weah and Senegal striker El Hadji Diouf to win the Footballer of the Year title in successive years.
   Born in the Cameroon town of Nkon 23 years ago, Eto’o played for Union Douala before heading to Spain and spells with Real Madrid, Leganes and Real Mallorca before joining Barcelona last year.
   He helped Cameroon win the African Nations Cup in 2000 and 2002 and the 2000 Sydney Olympics football tournament and was a member of the Mallorca team that lifted the Spanish Cup two years ago.

It humiliated a nation and turned besotted fans against Ireland’s fiercest and most revered soccer player.
   Now, thanks to a stage musical, the Irish are finally
   coming to terms with a fiasco that led to their 2002 World Cup failure.
   Dreams of World Cup success in the Far East sank before a ball had been kicked three years
   ago when Manchester United gladiator Roy Keane left the squad after a well- publicised spat with coach Mick
   McCarthy on the eve of the tournament.
   Reviving those memories as Ireland edges towards another World Cup is a risky business, but the men behind the
   absurd ‘I, Keano’– which retells the debacle as a Roman farce – believe it is time to exorcise the demons.
   ‘It was a huge thing in Ireland and I think to do something as ridiculous as this points out it really was just sport. No-one died...yet!’ co-writer Arthur Mathews told Reuters.
   ‘Looking back, it is quite weird that people took it so seriously.
   ‘I mean, even I took it seriously,’ the co-author of television comedy ‘Father Ted’ said.
   Ireland’s relationship with Keane has veered from love to hate and back again but Dublin audiences have warmed to his stern character (Keano) in a play which depicts the Irish as Roman warriors preparing for battle under General Macartacus.
   On Valentine’s night, couples gave up candlelit dinners to squeeze into the city’s Olympia theatre and cheer the hero some had initially blamed for destroying Ireland’s World Cup chances.
   Thunder and lightning greet his every entrance, Macartacus and sidekick Quinnus (lanky Irish striker Niall Quinn) tremble when he nears but the audience whistles and chants ‘Keano’ as he rants about poor preparation, bad kit and a lack of commitment.
   ‘It is an Irish thing that they love the rebels. That is why Keano gets the chanting. If they put it on in Cork (Keane’s home town) there would be riots,’ Mathews said.
   Perhaps it also helps that ‘Keano’ himself is in town this week, showing a rarely-seen side to the player who many fear to face in England’s Premier League.
   On Valentine’s Day, he was hugging guide dog pups to help raise money for the blind.
   ‘I have heard it is not a bad show,’ Keane told Irish media, but added he would probably not see it.
   ‘I have moved on with my life,’ he said.
   The man on the other side of the Saipan fiasco is also unlikely to attend.
   No longer Ireland’s boss, English-born McCarthy is now winning praise for pushing north-east side Sunderland close to the cusp of Premier League promotion.
   But in ‘I, Keano’, Macartacus is a stubborn general unable to control his players’ love of the ‘Beerus Tentus’ where journalists seduce the squad. McCarthy might also cringe at one scene where a reporter orgasmically sucks Macartacus’s toes.
   The general is finally killed with a knife in the back from his superiors when Ireland return home after a heartbreaking second round penalty defeat to Iberia (Spain).
   But Macartacus does not escape all sympathy.
   Keano’s final volcanic eruption, pummelling the general with fistfuls of expletives questioning his ability and loyalty as a non-Irish national, would put most off a coaching career.
   Almost three years later, and after much public debate, the warrior Keane has returned to the national fold to lead another Irish World Cup bid under new coach Brian Kerr. He has even hinted he could become general, or manager, one day.
   ‘He retired from international football and then he came back, which was very big of him,’ Mathews said.
   While anyone involved in the incident appears to be avoiding the show, Kerr did make the trip on Valentine’s night.
   He was met with a dramatic incarnation of himself as the next sacrificial lamb in Irish football.
   ‘I think he made a hasty retreat,’ Mathews said.

Michael Owen will give Real Madrid a 17-game ultimatum over his Spanish future.
   The England star has had enough of the empty promises from new coach Wanderley Luxemburgo and is ready to tell the club that either he plays or he moves on in the summer, reports the Daily Mirror.
   And despite continuing interest from the Premiership, if Owen does quit Madrid he could remain in Spain with Barcelona preparing another bid for the 25-year-old at the end of the season.
   Arsenal and Chelsea head the list of English clubs competing for his signature, with Liverpool also holding an option where they must be informed by the Spanish club of any intention to sell.
   Despite mounting speculation over his position at the Bernabeu, former Liverpool striker Owen had decided to get his head down and work hard for a starting place, after being given assurances by Luxemburgo.
   But promises made only weeks ago have been broken, and the situation has come to a head, after the Real coach suggested just before the weekend the time had come for Owen to be given a run.
   Owen was, therefore, devastated to discover he was again on the bench on Sunday, offered only a brief cameo role as a substitute, where he again scored to help Real win at Osasuna.
   That was the final straw though, and now his advisers will go to club president Florentino Perez and make his position clear.
   Real have 15 Primera Liga matches remaining, plus at least two Champions League encounters with Juventus, and Owen will be looking to play the majority of those matches.
   It is clear there is unrest in his camp, and privately, he has made his feelings strongly known.
   His close friend Steven Gerrard, who shares the same agents, hinted on Tuesday the striker is at the end of his tether, when he suggested he would love to team up with Owen once again. ‘He is not getting many minutes on the field, which is unfortunate because he deserves to play more. His goals-to-games ratio is fantastic. The new manager should be playing him more,’ he said.
   ‘He is a fantastic footballer, and wonderful to play alongside.’
   It is a delicate situation for Owen, because he deserves a run in the side after scoring 11 goals in just 23 matches, only eight of them starts. The Real fans are behind him, and the Spanish media have also campaigned for his inclusion. But Real Madrid captain Raul is untouchable, and if he is fit he plays no matter what his form. The same goes for Brazilian striker Ronaldo, who forms a major part of Madrid’s marketing campaign in the key South American market.
   Owen, who cost £8 million in August, has started just two of Luxemburgo’s nine games in charge.

One of Diego Maradona's doctors has denied reports that the former Argentina captain has undergone liposuction surgery to make him thinner.
   Maradona, whose weight has ballooned in the last two years, has been in the historic Caribbean city of Cartagena since last Wednesday but doctors say he is not there for any type of surgery.
   'It has not been considered,' Francisco Holguin, director of the Medigel Clinic, told Reuters by telephone.
   'He's here in Cartagena on holiday, for a rest. He's been here a couple of times to check his arterial pressure. The possibility of an operation has not been considered.'
   Maradona, who is barely recognisable from his playing days, is staying at an apartment in one of the city's plushest neighborhoods.
   He was briefly seen in public on Friday when he waved from the balcony.
   Maradona spent more than a week in the intensive care unit of a Buenos Aires hospital last April with heart and breathing problems. He was then confined to a psychiatric clinic by his
   family.
   In September, Maradona returned to Cuba, where he has lived since 2000, to undergo more treatment for drug addition but under a stricter regime than before.
   At Christmas, Maradona defied his doctor's advice and returned to Argentina for one month. He went to Greece on a business trip last month.

Portugal plans to honour Chelsea soccer coach Jose Mourinho for his success over the last three years, a spokeswoman for Prime Minister Pedro Santana Lopes said.
   The government plans to award Mourinho the Chain of Honour for Sporting Merit next week, the spokeswoman said on Tuesday. The date of the ceremony has not been set.

Chelsea captain John Terry on Tuesday rubbished talk that the Premiership leaders were chasing Arsenal's England star Ashley Cole.
   Chelsea are being investigated by the Premier League over an alleged illegal approach for the Gunners' defender.
   But Blues centre-half Terry insisted that Chelsea did not need Cole as they already had a top left-back in Wayne Bridge.
   'Bridge is a first-class player, one of the best left-backs in the world, so why do we need to go out and do that?' he told BBC Radio Five Live.
   'Ashley's a great player, I'm not denying that.
   'But I think if you speak to Ashley, he's Arsenal through and through.
   'It is the same with me, I don't want to ever leave Chelsea.'
   Terry added, 'It's all about opinions. I'm not Sven-Goran Eriksson's first-choice. If Mr Mourinho had the chance to buy Sol Campbell or Rio Ferdinand, would he? I don't know, you'd have to ask him that.'
   Chelsea have refused to confirm or deny reports that Cole or his agent met manager Jose Mourinho and chief executive Peter Kenyon in a London hotel in January.

Everton deny they will target Wayne Rooney if he makes a Goodison Park return against Everton in Saturday's FA Cup fifth round tie.
   Rooney, who left Everton for Manchester United in a 27 million pound summer deal, faces his boyhood heroes for the first time on Saturday.
   The 19-year-old England striker is set to receive a hostile reception at the ground where he was once idolised.
   But Everton assistant manager Alan Irvine said, 'He will be treated in the same way we treat all good players.’

UEFA has warned clubs planning to ignore its proposal for quotas of homegrown players in squads.
   From 2006-07 teams must submit a 25-man 'A' squad with at least two players from the club academy and two others from the same national association.
   This will rise and clubs could be punished with reduced squads.
   The rule only applies to UEFA competitions but could be widened to domestic football.
   Arsenal had 16 overseas players for Monday's game with Crystal Palace.
   After the plan is introduced for the 2006-07 season the figures will rise by one for each of the next two seasons.
   So by 2008-09 the squad will have to contain four academy players and four others from the team's country.
   'The sanction is fairly simple - if you don't have the four and four for 2008-09, your squad will be cut by the number of players that do not meet the criteria,' said UEFA spokesman William Gaillard.
   In April a UEFA Congress in Estonia will vote on whether to implement the measures in domestic competitions as well.
   But the Premier League say it is 'extremely unlikely' it would be implemented in England.

Egypt win the inaugural African Nations Cup with a comprehensive 4-0 win over Ethiopia in the final. The star of the show is unquestionably the Egyptian striker, El Diba, author of all four goals. The runners-up Ethiopia had the simplest of tasks in the semi-final after their opponents South Africa failed to show up. Only these three sides joined the hosts Sudan in the tournament’s first edition, with Egypt’s Raafat Atteya scoring the competition’s first ever goal in their opening game against the hosts in Khartoum.